What if she had never let him go?
by DeirdreDacourt
Summary: Song fic: What if - Kate Winslet. The legend of Jack Sparrow... What if Elizabeth had never let him go? What if she had told him, what if hé had told her? what if-? Please R


_**This is my first Sparrabeth-songfic! it's also the first story I wrote in English. Enjoy! and I would love to read any reviews, thanks anyway!**_

_Update* thanks to Vicky Fryer for Beta Reading!_

* * *

_Here I stand alone  
With this weight upon my heart  
And it will not go away_

Her eyes were closed. She sighedslightly while she began to walk to the sea and remained standing while she reached the shore. A young girl at the age of five ran past her mother and began to run through the waves. She smiled at her mother, Elizabeth Swann.

Elizabeth. There was nothing left of the spirited and independent-minded woman; on the inside she was broken. But she had to be strong, she had to be a good mother for her beloved daughter, she had to be strong. She'd promised him...

Her thoughts disappeared suddenly when the five year old began to run towards the sea, she wasn't allowed to go there. "Morgan, no! You can't swim." She put her arms around her and lifted her up, while she walked back to the beach, the water lapping against her legs.

_  
In my head I keep on looking back  
Right back to the start  
Wondering what it was that made you change_

In her hand she was holding a compass. She glanced at her little girl. She had big, brown eyes, _his eyes,_ and curly, brown hair. She was beautiful, just like her dad. Tears began to fill her eyes; every time she looked at Morgan, she saw him. Not similar as regards their looks, but their minds were the same. Oh, why did he have to leave her? Why hadn't she stopped him? What if she had, would he still be here? With her and their daughter?

_  
Well I tried  
But I had to draw the line  
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind  
_

Her thoughts brought her back to the past, just for a minute she was once again with him. She was leaning against the railing and watching the sunset. Unexpectedly someone laid his hand down on her shoulder and she looked up, astonished. "Jack, what—"

"Shh," he glanced at her and whispered: "Silence, luv. Just watch the sunset, it'll be gone soon."

Elizabeth kept one's peace and together they watched when the sun went down. The sky was full of colors: yellow, orange, red, purple and dark blue. And in a moment the stars arose in the dark sky and Elizabeth moaned.

"What's the matter, luv?"

She looked aside and smiled, "Nothing, Jack, it's just... so beautiful."

He agreed without looking away, "Indeed," he gasped. Elizabeth wondered what he was talking about: the sunset or... She blushed a little.

Jack grinned and then he bent a little so his face was near hers. She closed her eyes and sensed his lips; they kissed.

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the man I used to know  
_

After the kiss they hadn't spoken each other for a few days. She was too confused. The days passed by, and then they reached Port Royal...

_If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know_

"Jack, we have to talk," she said seriously, and he glanced at her with that familiar expression.

"Yes, luv?"

"I... I think—" The voice of Gibbs interrupted her, yelling, "Captain, we're goin' to purchase rum! Want to come along?"

"I'm sorry, luv, the rum is calling." He shrugged and disappeared.

_Many roads to take  
Some to joy  
Some to heart-ache  
Anyone can lose their way_

"Mommy, look, what a beautiful shell." Morgan held a pink shiny shell up and Elizabeth smiled, distressed. "What a beauty!" ensured the girl was satisfied, so she continued her expedition for shells, while her mother sailed back to the past, because the memories of Jack had taken her off-guard.

_  
And if I said that we could turn it back  
Right back to the start  
Would you take the chance and make the change  
_

"Jack, I can't do this any longer..." she cried; her eyes were full of tears, but Jack didn't take any notice. This discouraged her. "Jack, please listen... I—" She couldn't tell him, it was impossible to tell this man she loved him. She thought he wasn't even listening, until he turned around and caught her. She tried to shrink back but that was impossible with his strong arms around her waist. He glanced at her and gasped: "What did you wanna tell old Jack, love?" His grip loosened but she didn't shrink back. Her face was close to his, just as close as the first time they kissed. She glanced determined at him, it didn't matter any more. There was just one thing she wanted to do: tell him the truth. That was the only thing that mattered. She wanted to tell him about Will, how much she missed him and that the idea that she wouldn't see him for the next ten years drove her mad. She still loved him, but there was another man that had stolen her heart. And there was nothing she could do about it, that she had tried... but there was no way to stop. So she put her face in his neck and whispered, "I love you, Jack Sparrow..."

_Do you think how it would have been sometimes  
Do you pray that I'd never left your side_

The sun had disappeared and moved over for the moon with his dark sky full of stars. It reminded her of her night with Jack. After that night, the night she told him that she was falling in love with him, things wouldn't be the same. It promised to be their one and only night together, which was selected by lot.

After that night spent together, Elizabeth hadn't spoken with Jack the whole day. It was just like the last time, the time they kissed for the first time. She thought it was her fault he didn't show up, how could she know Jack was devising something?

_If only we could turn the hands of time  
If I could take you back would you still be mine_

Once more they sailed into Port Royal, but she didn't know it was because Jack had an appointment. In the afternoon, when all the other men of the crew were on land, she stayed aboard because she wanted to found out where Jack was going to when he left.

So when the time came, Jack left his sleeping-quarters and went ashore, while Elizabeth followed him unnoticed. But when she prepared to go ashore, Gibbs appeared on the deck and lisped her name. She looked up and sighed inaudibly. "What's the matter, Mr. Gibbs?"

"Why are you sneaking on deck late in the evening?" he asked, a little bit suspicious. She saw out of the corner of her eye that Jack was walking across the streets with his foreign pass, on his way to disappear from sight. She glanced at Gibbs. "I want to take a walk; just want to feel the ground under my feet."

"Don't get up to stupid things," Gibbs said. While she left the ship, she could hear him saying, "Jack knows what he is doing. I hope you do too."

She didn't know.

_'Cos I tried  
But I had to draw the line  
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

When she reached solid ground, Jack had already vanished. She assumed he was going on a pub-crawl, so she searched for him in every bar she knew. But Jack wasn't boozing. Not at all. Afterwards she wished she had known about his appointment with Commodore James Norrington; then she could have tried to encourage him. Of if she had just followed him, she wouldn't have gotten lost and then there would have been any hope. But now... by the time she finally found him, it was too late. The pirate had already found his death.

She actually found him in an alley. He was leaning on a vessel and lost his grip, whereby he collapsed onto the stone floor.

"Jack!" she screamed. She ran towards him and moved past Norrington. But she didn't see him; the only thing she saw was Jack. She collapsed by his side and started to shake him, but he didn't move. She turned him onto his back and saw his eyes were closed and his mouth hung a little open. With horror she noticed a dagger in his chest. "How could you let it end up like this?" She pulled the weapon out of his body, but Jack didn't answer.

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the man I used to know_

"I'm sorry for you, my dear. No harm meant against you, but this was something between me and Sparrow."

"Captain Jack Sparrow," she snarled, and Norrington grinned. "Well, your Captain didn't even resist. It was like he had nothing to fight for. He was a little... despondent."

"Beat it!" Elizabeth snarled again. She was on the verge of tears. Her hand caught his face and then James Norrington took off. She looked back and threw Norrington's dagger. It blew his hat from his head and Norrington turned around and drew his sword. She looked him straight in the eye and he lowered his sword. His glance at Elizabeth wasn't depraved, rather longing; she couldn't help it she didn't felt any affection for him, because she fell in love with another man. And he had just taken this person's life. One last glance, and then he disappeared into the shadows. That was the last time Elizabeth heard anything of James Norrington.

"'Lizabeth..."

She looked down. Jack lay there, weak because of the wound. At a glance she noticed his shirt wasn't white anymore: it was red. Blood red. "Why, Jack?"

She thought Jack wouldn't answer, but after a few seconds he did. His voice sounded hoarse. "Come on, you don't have to be sad... It's my own fault."

"Do you think you can walk? You need help. I can get someone who can help you," she said, but Jack grimaced. "You won't admit it, luv."

"Jack, please – you can't leave me, I..."

"Don't say it."

"...love you."

Jack moaned, but she continued, "Why did you left the ship? Why didn't you speak to me after our... kiss?"

Silence. It seemed he was looking for the right words to say, then he explained, "I think... I was afraid it wouldn't work out, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings... I..." His voice weakened more, and he closed his eyes for a few seconds, "...I couldn't find it in my heart to hurt you. You're too special for me to do that." He panted for breath.

Elizabeth was stunned. He had never said that before. Tears began to fill her eyes. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but nothing in the world could have hurt her like this.

_What if I had never walked away  
'Cos I still love you more than I can say_

"I can't let you go..."

"You won't."

She sat there for a few minutes, wondering if she should go and get someone who could save Jack, but he didn't want her to leave. So she didn't; she just sat there, next to him. He gasped, and held her hand. They didn't speak. Until...

"Jack—" she gasped. Jack's eyes were closed, and his grip weakened. "Jack..." Her eyes were full of tears, then she started to cry. Her face rested on his chest, and her tears mixed together with his blood. Slowly she got up, leant over and softly kissed his lips.

Then he opened his eyes for one last time. He opened his mouth and with his last gasp, the words rolled softly over his lips.

"I love you, Elizabeth Swann..."

_  
If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know  
We'll never know_

Six years later, she was standing on the coast with that compass in her hand. Her hands shivered a little. She opened it and noticed it swinging around. Morgan got up on her toes, trying to watch it.

"What's that, mommy?"

"Just wait and see..." her mother whispered, and then the arrow stopped. It pointed to the north. Their heads turned in that direction. And there, above the open sea, flew a little brown bird. A sparrow.


End file.
